Types of computer
Adam and Eve virus: Takes a
couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years.
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll
AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great
service you are getting.
The MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're
paying too much for the AT&T virus.
Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and
we're not exactly sure what it does.
Bill Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all
processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes,
and 50% to rich ones. This virus protests your computer's involvement
in other computer's affairs, even though it has been having one of its
own for 12 years.
Congressional Virus: Overdraws your computer.
Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits
erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side
for the problem.
Dan Quayle virus: Prevents your system from spawning any child
processes without joining into a binary network.
Dan Quayle virus: Simplye addse ane ee toe everye worde youe
David Duke virus: Makes your screen go completely white.
Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self
destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations
across rural America.
Federal bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of
little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which
claim to be the most important part of the computer.
Freudian virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its
Gallup virus: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38
percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5
percent margin of error).
George Bush virus: Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of
it until November.
Government economist virus: Nothing works, but all your
diagnostic software says everything is fine.
Jerry Brown virus: Blanks your screen and begins flashing an 800
Madonna virus: If your computer gets this virus, lock up your
Mario Cuomo virus: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to
Michael Jackson virus: Hard to identify because it is constantly
altering its appearance. This virus won't harm your PC, but it will
trash your car.
New World Order virus: probably harmless, but it makes a lot of
people really mad just thinking about it.
Nike virus: Just Does It!
Ollie North virus: Turns your printer into a document shredder.
Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to
80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
Pat Buchanan virus: Shifts all your output to the extreme right
of your screen.
Paul Revere virus: This revolutionary virus does not horse
around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN,
twice if by C:.
Paul Tsongas virus: Pops up on December 25 and says, "I'm not
PBS virus: Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.
Politically correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but
instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".
Richard Nixon virus: Also known as the "Tricky Dick Virus", you
can wipe it out but it always makes a comeback.
Right To Life virus: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless
of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to
first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
Ross Perot virus: Activates every component in your system, just
before the whole thing quits.
Ted Kennedy virus: Crashes your computer but denies it ever
Ted Turner virus: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
Terry Randle virus: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose
"Abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.
Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
UK Parliament virus: Splits the screen into two with a message in
each half blaming other side for the state of the system.
Warren Commission virus: Won't allow you to open your files for